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| What do you mean, invasive? I love to read, I always have. Diane sometimes refers to it as “a problem.” I’ve received T-shirts, sweatshirts, coffee mugs, plaques and bookmarks all referring to my “hobby.” As a matter of fact, sometimes, when I’m suppose to be working on a fix-up project in our never-ending, but lovable old home, I’ve been caught on my hands and knees reading an article in the months-old newspaper that I’ve put down to protect our floors. Diane will come walking around the corner, take one look and, shaking her head, turn around and walk away. I’ll look up and in
complete sincerity, yell down the hall, “This is really an interesting
article. Did you know…” Unfortunately,
I soon realize that this tidbit of information has nothing to do with the task
at hand. And such is married life in
our household. And in addition to my
love of reading I also love words, their origins and meaning. Now in the gardening world, I’m particularly
interested in the term “invasive plants.” Just saying those words can make some people jump.
It’s like saying “Voldemort” in Harry
Potter. Some people look around before
saying it, others mumble it and still others say it very softly. But what does it mean?
One person’s invasive plants are another
person’s dream plants. Kind of like the
age old saying, “You say tomato and I say tomato.” (That doesn’t work nearly as well on the printed page as it does
when saying it face to face…) Now don’t get me
wrong. We sell invasive plants and we
have invasive plants in our gardens. I’m a strong believer that any plant can serve a purpose in certain
sites. For example, the state of Nevada
would be a good site for invasive plants. And, from what I can tell on CNN, Afghanistan would also be a good
site. But, I would like to know the
nature of these plants before I put
them in the ground. I can deal with any
plant. I would just like it to be my choosing to put invasive plants in my
gardens. And then there is the problem of using other words to describe “invasive” and what they really mean. (By the way, did you notice this year the ads selling “permanent” Christmas trees rather than “artificial”? Do people think we’re just a bunch of stupid dumb-dumbs? So what should I be selling? “Gardeners, choose from a fantastic selection of plants that die back to the ground every year. Or if you don’t like that, we’ll sell you some nice plastic permanent hostas that stay green all year even though they may look a little goofy in the snow…and you don’t have to do anything! Just plant them once and they’ll stay in the ground, looking permanent, for oh, about 10,000 years…”) After exhaustively going through all gardening magazines and catalogs that arrive at our house (I told Di it was a research project…) I have come up with the following list. As you will see, this does not help clarify the term “invasive plants.” ·
Groundcover
– Seems fairly straightforward. However, kudzu (the invasive plant that has taken over the south) was
first probably called a groundcover. On
the other hand, I have read where epimedium is described as a groundcover. Nope, not in my yard.
Sorry, too ambiguous. ·
Aggressive –
Well, that’s better. At least you know
it’s going to be king of the hill or die trying. But like “invasive” there is no degree of aggressiveness. ·
Interweaves through other plants. – Yah, right. The
copy should read, “Gently interweaves through other plants, creating a mosaic
of color and texture, until you turn to go inside, when it destroys anything in
it’s path…” ·
Spreading
– see above ·
Vigorous – I like this
term along with “aggressive.” Seems
milder than “invasive” – like a brisk walk at -20° is milder than at -40°. ·
Rambling, Rambler, Rambunctious – all of these words originally come from the word “Rambo”,
who made bad movies, was a bad actor, and you knew what would happen in the
end. · Rhizamatous and Stoloniferous – these are two particularly good words to use when you don’t want people to know what you are talking about… From Latin, “rhizamatous” means “willing to mix it up with anyone…anytime…anywhere, and “stoloniferous” means “make my day.” As you can see this
leaves us with a lot of confusion. And,
as I well know, serious gardeners do not like confusion. Not when they can name a beautiful plant
like old-fashioned bleeding heart, Dicentra
spectabilis. So, in an attempt to
spare all gardeners of the world the countless sleepless nights that is
undoubtedly occurring because of the mass confusion of invasive plants, listed
below are terms as well as definitions I think we should all use from now on: ·
Extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely invasive – (I know this is a mouthful to say but I think we’ll all
get used to it after a while.) Plants
listed under this term could harm you or your children. Small dogs for sure. The way to deal with
these plants is to prep everything beforehand. Place the plant in the ground.
Then run. You have about ten minutes
before it takes over your garden, yard and house. Look for cultivar names as clues such as “Meet You at the Property
Line”, “Born Free” and “Ain’t Life Grand”. ·
Pretty invasive
– These plants would be OK for planting in a garden surrounded on all four
sides by concrete or asphalt. You could
set up small ropes and turnbuckles, select two different Pretty Invasive plants
and have a World Wrestling Federation cage match. Fine as gifts to inconsiderate bosses, co-workers, and
in-laws. Probably will not harm small
children---though in neighborhoods with “Slow …Children” signs, be
careful. These plants could harm slow
children. (Maybe that’s why they put up
those signs…I never realized it was related to gardening…) · Invasive if you plant it and then never look at it again – (OK, I know these terms don’t exactly roll off the tongue…) A plant to buy, then give away to all your friends and neighbors in which they will be eternally grateful---for this year. Next year they will wonder about you. The third year they will start to seriously think how they can repay you for your “gracious gift.” And so, there you have it. Nice, tidy terms to use to eliminate confusion in the gardening world. Because having the last name Webster and constantly having to deal with people asking me to sign their dictionaries, I feel pretty good about this.
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Funkie Gardens opens for
the season April 23, and our Woodland Open House will be the weekend of May 3 &
4. Mon. and Tues.: 9 am - 5 pm Contact Us: 618 Pearl St.
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